dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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