i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im six kinds of drunk right now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
