goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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