I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
