I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
