Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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