My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
