On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
