I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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