the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
