The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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