I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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