is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize