Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
