Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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