Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
