Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
