My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
