woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
