Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
