And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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