ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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