textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
