she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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