Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
