Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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