i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
