Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize