I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
