Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
