drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
