I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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