I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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