Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
