Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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