tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
