i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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