If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
