a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
