so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
