My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
