porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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