i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
