Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
