Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
