remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
