There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
