The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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