You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
