This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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