I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
