sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
