Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
