You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
