he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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