TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
