Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
