You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
