So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
