and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
