Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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