Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
