That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
