I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
