At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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