I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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