i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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