I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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