Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
