That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
