2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize