If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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