goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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