please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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