Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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