dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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