I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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