So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
