So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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