just tell him i said nine months
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
