We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
